Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Mother

Some unclear impulse urged me to write about my mother. Perhaps it is the ups and downs of her years that have moved me.
 
I remember that one day was passed with mother’s crying loudly. From that moment, I lost my father. Mother began to experience her years of toiling and hardship to bring her little children up.
 
Mother used to talk about her marriage. She did not love my father at first. It was her father who made the decision. Her father took a shine on my father at first sight. Father was an ordinary soldier while mother was an excellent teacher. She was the most loved both in class and outside class. Her lectures were the best. Her handwriting was the best. Even her sewing was the best. So, mother felt father could not match her. Once in a while, mother would return father’s love letters after correcting the errors on it. She thought father would feel ashamed and back up. Yet, father finally successfully married mother. Later, they moved to the oilfield and mother became a housewife.
 
Good days did not last long. From that day on, mother began to live a thrifty life and she had to bear a heavy load of work to support the family. Some neighbors would come to help from time to time, but mother anxiously repaid their help by doing more for them.
 
When most families began to own a TV set, mother could not turn a blind eye to her children’s imploring and bought one. This white-and-black TV remained the only electric appliance of my home for a long time. It was when I received my first month’s salary that I realized that it must have been a difficult decision for mother to make for life was so hard at that time. Now the TV is still kept by mother. She wouldn’t throw it away for it reflected the life during that period. Perhaps she kept it to show us happy days are not easy to attain.
 
Mother was well educated. Her children should become excellent. My elder sister did very well at school, she could have become a college student. But mother asked sister to go to a technical school, so that two years later, she would be able to help support the family. Mother was a woman with high pursuit. But she had to make the decision under the circumstance. Sister did not become a college student, which must have been a pity for mother.
 
Everybody will have to endure life’s hardship sometimes. As a mother of three, she must have experienced more. A few days ago, mother donated some clothes to the flooded area. I heard her murmuring, “When we were poor, where were all the kind people? ” I suddenly realized there was much more I don’t know that mother had suffered in those hard days. Now her hair has become silvery and furrows appeared in her face. But she braved the elements and now her children have grown up. Mother must have felt that this is the best repay for her hard work.
 
Mother said she was destined to hard work. When it was time she enjoyed an easy life, she reclaimed a waster land near home and made it a vegetable garden. She spent a lot of time in the garden. When we asked her to stop working, she would say, “This not only saves money, but we can eat fresh food. Why not?” Her pleasure also included helping others design and sew dresses. Mother is such a person that she would always try to help those in need. Now advanced in age, mother has shouldered the responsibility of taking care of her grandchildren. She hoped to bring up them all. All her happiness comes from the happiness of her children and her children’s children.
 
Sometimes mother would say that But for the marriage, she would not have come to the oilfield. She might have become a great schoolmaster in her hometown, or a notable writer. Mother has expressed that hope that she will write a book, describing everything she has experienced. That would have to be a moving and encouraging book.
 
Looking back on the past, I don’t know how to express my love and gratitude to my mother. I only want to tell her, “You have created a miracle, a miracle belonging to your self. You gave your children the most abundant love in the world. We feel very proud of being your children. ”
 
　　Written by Meng Yuan 
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Memorial to My parents

Three score years ago, my father died. Sixty years later, I come to his resting-place to make sacrifice to him. Why is it that I have come so late?
 
When I was four years old, my father died. My mother and I struggled through the hardships of life. She did whatever she could to bring me up and educate me. When I reached my adulthood, she said to me:
 
Your father was an upright official. He had an open hand when helping others. He enjoyed the company of friends. Though we were poor, he never tried to accumulate wealth. He told me, ‘I will not let money be my burden.’ When he died, he left virtually nothing. What was in my mind that made me overcome the difficulties through the years’ hardship? For I have something that your father had wished you to know.”
 
“A year before your father and I married, your grandfather died. So, I did not have the chance in servitude to your grandmother. Yet, I know your father must be very filial to his mother. I remember when it came to the New Year, when every household gave sacrifice to the dead. Your father always said, ‘What’s the use of making a sacrifice with a feast? It would give me more comfort if mother was still alive and we shared much more course meals.’ When we had dinner, he would be in tears, saying, ‘We used to live in poverty. Now we are better off. But what’s use of all the comfort without my mother?’ At the beginning, I thought your father wouldn’t think of your grandmother so much with the passage of time. But each year, he would shed tears. From this, I knew that your father must have been very filial in servitude to your grandmother.”
 
“Being an official, your father often studied the court documents deep into night. Once he sighed again and again. I asked him why. He told me, ‘This guy has committed a crime and is going to be executed. I have tried to save his life. If he deserves death, there would be no regrets for both him and me. What’s more, sometimes, after careful studies, I can prove that he does not deserve so severe a punishment and I can save him. Though there are people like me who do their utmost to put right the wrong, but the odds always exist that many would be wronged. But, in this world, some people are anxious to put death the lives of those they don’t like. ‘”
 
“When your father turned and saw me, with you in my arms. He sighed, ‘The foretellers said that my days are numbered. If their words are true, I will be unable to see my son grow up, you must tell him my words when he grows up.’”
 
“Your father must have wanted you to know: with regard to one’s duty to parents, he needs not make them live a luxurious life, but he must have a devoted heart. As to helping those in need, he is impossible to help large numbers of people, but he must be kind and generous. I heard your father saying these again and again to young people, so I remembered them and could tell you these. I don’t know how your father conducted affairs outside, but I do know at home, he did whatever he thought right and never wore any pretence. He was straightforward and a man of principle. With the tie of blood, I know you would inherit these qualities from your father. I have nothing else to tell you except what you father wanted you to know. ”
 
Hearing these, I was in tears. I would keep those words in mind forever.
 
My father was young when my grandfather died. He was anxious to learn and passed an examination and became an official in Sizhou and Mianzhou. Then he was promoted to Taizhou. He died at the age of fifty-nine and was buried in Shuang-Gang. My mother was born to a wealthy and distinguished family. But since my family began to experience economic difficulty, she began to live a thrifty life. Later on, she never enjoyed luxurious life even though we became well off. She used to say, “My son is not the kind the person who sacrifices his principles to please the authority. I have to be thrifty to save for the rainy days.” Later I became a sour eye of the authority and our conditions became worse. Yet, my mother said, “Your family has always been poor and I have got used to it. As far as you can bear it with equanimity, I can do the same. ”
 
Twenty years after my father’s death, I became an official. Another twelve years later, I was promoted with the privilege to glorify my parents. Another ten years later, I became a minister in charge of appointing officials. During this period, my mother died at the age of seventy-two. Another eight years later, I became the Prime Minister and I was in the position for several years. Since I became a minister, my parents were honored again and again. (Note from the translator: Honoring one’s parents was the privilege of high rank official at that time.)
 
I cried and said, “Blessed are those who do good, whether it comes sooner or later. It is the rule of the universe. My parents always had helped others. They should be blessed. Although they did not enjoy much in their lifetime, but they were given honors to glorify later generations. ” So I wrote this article to show that, although I did not have much talent, I was given a high post in the court of the emperor, there is reason behind! There is reason behind!
 
The time is April 1070.
 
Author: Ou Yangxiu
Posted by Yang at 04:31:18 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, July 6, 2005

Tonight，I only thought of my father

My husband is out on business; I am left alone at home. Having been far away from my hometown for years, a short separation is nothing to me. But just before the Mid-Autumn Festival, when every household was having a reunion, Father died. That day, cold pierce wind prevailed the city of Tianjin. In the aftermath of it, I would unconsciously walk to the telephone to make a call to my father, only to find there was no one to answer it. Tears ran down my face, I realized that I had lost my father, as well as my mother, and become nobody’s child now.

Pursuing studies and making a living in Tianjin far from my parents, I had cherished the hope of taking over responsibilities from my parents, and supporting them when they were advanced in age. It was far beyond my imagining power that both of my parents’ lives were cut in their prime time. Mother had suffered from cancer, with all my might and main, experts could not play miracles as well to bring her life back. That night, lying in bed in the tumor hospital, her throat rumbling with sputum, she was out of breath. Only when she breathed her last, she realized that she was about to part with her relatives forever. She must have something on her mind for us to learn, but she was speechless. Tears running down her face, she turned her head aside on the pillow, hence the end the fifty years of her life, during which she had labored and toiled for all her four children. Standing by her, I was at a loss as to whether this was real or not. Had mother been separated from us forever? Half an hour passed before I burst in tears.

I learned about Father’s illness in last August, when I was working day and night preparing for the reporting assignment of the fiftieth anniversary of the founding of the PRC. Since I could not throw the burden on others, I had foolishly believed that, with my sisters and brothers tending by his ill bed, his health would not deteriorate. Then I would be home without any delay when I had finished my reporting work. Yet, late at night on the 23rd of September, I received phone calls telling me Father’s life was in danger and under rescue; at about one o’clock words came from my sister, sobbing, that Father had died of cerebral hemorrhage, with the final regret of not having seen me. Despairingly, I put down my phone, buried myself in the quilt, crying out of breath. Back to my hometown in a great hurry, I felt only a growing pain. Each time I saw his photos, I could not help crying. At night, we were all wide-awake, yet none of us dared to mention anything about Father. In the dark, four lost souls, wandering about in the wilderness, must have the same feeling, the feeling that our most beloveds had left us, once and forever.

In last May, unable to get accustomed to the life in Beijing, Father went back to Hunan, accompanied by my elder sister. On the way home they made a visit to me in Tianjin. Exuberated, I showed my Father round the new house I bought for him. I saw him beaming with happiness. He pointed to one bedroom and said, “I will choose this bedroom.” Soon, he asked me when it could be decorated. Before I replied, he eagerly expressed that he would help with the decoration, since I was busy and in ill health. Soon, he inquired me, in a hurry, how much I had borrowed to buy the house and what time I could pay the debt off. Then he told me that I should not send any money to him, for he did not have large expenditures. When we returned home, behind my sister, he told me that he would not live with me for long because he had high blood pressure, and if he was paralyzed, that would be a heavy burden on me. He said since we were busy with work, how could I have time to take care of him. If he was struck with illness, none of us could afford the cost. I was deeply moved but became cross at his words that one of us could support him. I asked him, “Can’t all of us four support you, even if you should be paralyzed? ” Seeing that I was angry, he patted on my hand, saying, “I know you are good to me, but anyway I will not live with you for a long time. ” Realizing that I couldn’t persuade him to stay, I said to him, “Have you found a suitable companion? If there is one, you must consider. And if she is kind and honest, you’d better get married again. ” Father told me, “There is no suitable one by far. Those who are in ill health, I am afraid, may become a burden on you; those who are in good health, I fear that I would be her burden. Now that I have got used to living alone, I feel more free and convenient. ”

All this happened some months ago, but it seems as though it had happened yesterday.

When father returned to Hunan, we often visited with each other through telephones. His first question would be, “Have you had your meal?” At about 8 or 9 o’clock in the evening, he would urge me to go back for some dinner. He would say, “Why are you always working so late? You can go on working but you must go back for supper first. If you have stomach trouble, how can you go on with your work?”

Father had in mind the birthday of all his children, even his son-in-law. On each birthday of them, he would send his blessings through telephone. I was the apple of my father’s eye. On my birthday, he would send me a musical postcard, on the cover of which there was a picture of the Hong Kong singer Zhou Huimin. Father thought that I resembled Zhou in some way and bought dozens of these postcards. Whenever there was a special occasion, he would send one to me, together with his affection and blessings for me.

One regret that makes me unable to feel at ease was that last January, I had a quarrel with Father. Father told me that he had found a satisfactory partner, and planned to hold a wedding; he asked if I could return to Hunan to attend. Thoughtless, I scolded him, asking if it was proper for him to do so, because Mother had just been dead no longer than a year. I repeated that none of us were object to his getting married again, but all thought it would be a year later. Kept taciturn for a while, Father put down the telephone, and put aside his hope to find a partner to accompany the rest of his life. Afterwards, he never mentioned getting married again. When my sister asked her friend to help him find a partner, he did not agree. Living in lonely solitude, he still said to me through telephone, “Xianghua, your eyes are sharp. Now I see clearly that the lady is not a person who can run a house. ” But I know he said so only in order to make me feel better. He still loved her.

Whenever I looked back on this, I felt sorry for it. I should have known better as to help my Father live a happier life, but I didn’t. How can I deprive him of his happiness with that weak excuse? Father, how I have wished you could appear in my dreams and reprimanded me! Otherwise, I would live with the endless sorrow and regret.

After Father’s Funeral, I stayed in the house in which he had lived for fifty years. Twenty days later, I left my hometown and went back to Tianjin. For a long time since then, I never accepted my friends’ invitations to eating out, for I always had the feeling that Father was still alive; that Father was always by my side. How could I feel relaxed? On some nights, I would stare at the ceiling, lost. Once when my husband asked me jokingly, “What are you pondering on? Are you thinking about job or some state affairs again? ” I replied, “None of these. Tonight, I only think of my father. ”

Written by Zhou Xianghua, Tianjin Daily   Nov.12, 1999

Posted by Yang at 08:38:21 | Permalink | Comments (1) »